Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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