I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
