I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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