Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
