I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
