and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
