I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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