We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
