Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
