Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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