Just cropdusted the office
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
