Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
