She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she looked like the before picture.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
