i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
