I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Everclear isn't food dammit
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
