you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
