Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
