If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
