so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
