you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
