WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
