You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
