yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I need moral support for this bender
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
