Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
