I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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