end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize