i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
