Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
