Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
