if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
