Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
