i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
