I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
