looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
