I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
it hurts more in the daytime
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
