I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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