Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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