Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
