im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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