dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
