So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
