I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
