apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
