Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Blood and glitter go together right?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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