I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
