How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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