Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
