I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
