I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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