i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
