I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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