I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
