Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
