I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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