I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
