He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
