Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
