I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
