Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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