Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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