Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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