Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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