I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
