I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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