I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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