somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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