capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
