Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
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Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
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Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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