I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
