for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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